According to the internet, today, Thursday 1st October is World Vegetarian Day – the beginning of World Vegetarian month, culminating in World Vegan Day on the 1st Nov *phew*! So in celebration of this, I’ve decided to write a little tongue in cheek FAQ post, a sort of frivolous Vegetarian 101 if you will… What a time to be alive!
FAQs and the things we’re tired of hearing…
No matter how many times you say “but, bacon” to us, we still won’t eat it.
Nope. Not Bacon. I’m a gold star Vegetarian – I’ve never eaten meat in my life and that’s okay. I wasn’t malnourished as a child and if anything I’m squishy around the edges now. However I’ve made it 25 years without bacon so I am 4000% sure I don’t need it. But thanks for your concern.
“Don’t you miss meat though?”
If you’ve never had something, how do you know you miss it? Would you honestly ask a twin if it’s weird being a twin? No, because that’s ridiculous, they’ve always been a twin, so to them it’s not weird. So you need to stop being weird. If the person you’re asking is a converted veggie and they used to eat meat – they might miss it, sure – but they made the choice to be a herbivore for a reason that’s absolutely nothing to do with you.
“Do you eat fish?”
No hun. Allow me to introduce google.
“If you cared about animals you’d stop eating their food!
Um. Stop that.
“What if almonds don’t want to be milked?”
What if I don’t want to be asked such silly questions?
This is one mainly directed at vegans/dairy free vegetarians, but it’s just so funny I had to include it. Thanks to my girl Sophie Lou for this corker!
“If you’re a vegetarian/vegan, then why are you fat?”
- Carbs exist. Sugar is a thing. Cheese tastes good.
- I might have fat. But I am not fat. I am Luisa. Nice to meet you.
you are not fat
you have fat
you also have fingernails
you are not fingernail
— no (@tbhjuststop) March 26, 2014
Crude “meat” jokes aren’t funny
Sorry to break it you, that joke wasn’t funny the first time I heard it 6 years ago, but I don’t hate you for trying. Just learn from your mistakes, don’t shove any kind of meat in my face, and we can be friends. The end.
Also [related, but lowering the tone a little bit more] nooo I do not want to see your “meat” to see if you can “change my mind”. Ew.
“So, what DO you eat?”
Everything you eat, except the dead animals. An easy way to decipher (because I understand it must be confusing) whether something is suitable for a vegetarian to eat: did this come from something that once had a face? If the answer is yes, then I shan’t be eating it (the only exceptions to this rule I can think of off the top of my head right now (that don’t have faces but we still don’t eat) are jellyfish and some insects, please let me know in the comments if there are others I’ve missed!)
“I tried that vegetarian/vegan thing once. I felt sick/it was too hard/expensive/my mum wouldn’t cook for me…”
Cool story bro!
OMNIVORES, a few things you must accept:
- most of us like really hummus and will bring it to BBQs (stereotyping big time here, but I really <3 hummus)
- our meals will be served before yours on an airplane and you can’t complain about it, that’s just the way it is sunshine.
- we will double check if something is vegetarian/vegan on the packet/at a restaurant.
- we will ask the person making a sub in front of us at Subway to change their gloves because we don’t want your meat juices touching our delicious veggies.
- meat eaters can also be anaemic/suffer from that rare illness your vegan friend had that one time.
- if you preach to us about how preachy vegetarians/vegans are, then you my darling, are a hypocrite.
That’s all for now, and thanks for reading. If you have anything to add, questions to ask or suggestions to make, please do in the comments – any and all advice greatly appreciated! ^_^
A little note to say thanks to the wonderful Vegan & Vegetarian Sharkies (these are lovely humans I know through Black Milk Clothing, but more on that another time) for all their suggestions and anecdotes which inspired me to write this.