This blog is for anyone that has ever lost somebody, and felt a little lost themselves + overwhelmed simultaneously.
Since I’ve started blogging, I find writing my thoughts, worries & frustrations in notes on my phone, quite soothing. Granted most of them never see the light of day, but after doing it, it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and it’s the best release I’ve found.
Today I started writing without even realising what I was doing, triggered by how awful I felt after finding out my wonderful uncle had passed away peacefully this morning after a long battle with cancer. It’s sort of a continuance from some things I had written in December after my auntie and cat passed away within a week of each other at the end of last year… Losing loved ones is really tough.
Today my lovely little pink nosed, black and white fur baby, Pinkle, died in my arms at the vet. He's been around since I was 11, and has always been there for head boops and cuddles. He was an absolutely awesome cat, loved by everyone. When you lose a family pet that has been around every single day for 15 years, it's like a massive void coming home and knowing that even though you can't see them, they aren't exploring in the garden, or hiding underneath something cleaning their paws, or curled up on the bed, they just aren't there at all. People that don't like animals (/cats) won't get it, but I feel like I've lost another member of the family, in less than one week. Absolutely devastated 😞
Seeing people (and animals) you care about deteriorating when there’s nothing you can do to help is just horrible. Most of us have experienced it.
My family lost an incredible, larger than life character today, my uncle Kevin. Kevin was a gentle giant, my uncle, my friend, my primary school teacher at one point, and my neighbour (I literally lived in the adjoining semi-detached house to him for several years whilst I was living with my mum in Brighton), to name a few!
I couldn’t tell you how many people I’ve met (on nights out, through friends or through mutual interests on Facebook) that studied at the university he taught at, who knew and respected him. Everyone that met him, instantly connected with his passion for life & felt inspired by his view of the world. His selfless actions such as helping to set up a school in Malagiri – Nepal (for more information: click here), being an integral part of the creation of Europe’s only Buddhist school, and generally spending time out of his busy life to encourage and support people struggling, just show what a brilliant man he was, filled with so much love.
I’m honestly having difficulties imagining family gatherings, special occasions… Life in general, without knowing he’s around.
In a world where the human body makes us sick, sick enough for it not to be able to work anymore, sick enough for lives to be changed forever, with no cure & leaving families with an empty space in their hearts… There are also some people who are prepared to take the lives of others because of different political/religious views, or sexual orientation. You’ve probably seen in the news today that a member of the Labour Party, Jo Cox was tragically murdered in a terrorist attack and it got me thinking… Sure, I disagree with some of my friends on political issues and how they choose to vote; I don’t really understand how religion can make someone want to go to war; And I can’t even fathom being so angry about how who another human chooses to spend time with, or fall in love with, to the point I would want to end their life/lives.
I guess part of growing up is realising that the world is filled with a lot of hate, and sadly that doesn’t look likely to change, and it’s scary. Because of that we should consistently do our best to be compassionate and loving to the people, and creatures around us. Whether it’s simply a smile when it looks like someone’s having a bad day, or letting a person that’s struggling know, that you’re there for them if they need you.
My heart goes out to everyone who has lost someone special recently. In particular the poor victims and families of the Orlando Pulse shootings, and Jo Cox‘s family for the awful day they must have had, I can’t even begin to imagine what they’re all going through, and with it being all over the news – it must be quite hard to get away from and deal with privately.
I’ve been lucky today, in that I was able to have time to grieve on my own. My managers were really understanding this morning, and sent me home where I cocooned myself in my room, mindlessly watching series on Netflix and napping with my housemates adorable cats. Animals really can sense when something is up. Both of my housemates have been cuties too, one bringing me some fancy Hotel Chocolat “Peppermint & Cocoa” infused tea (in a mug with a kitty on that looks just like my lovely Pinkle who died last year), and the other making some delicious homemade (Vegan of course) tempura for dinner.
I have wanted to do a blog post, something personal for a while, and started so many I’ve never published because my blog had become more of a place for tasty food/live music reviews and it didn’t feel appropriate. But I’ve decided, it’s my blog and I can write about whatever I want, so you might see a few posts of this vibe pop up now and again 🙂
Without a doubt the past 12 months has been tough for many, with family, relationship and work situations being emotionally draining and upsetting for so many people I know. And when I am feeling low it has helped to read other peoples thoughts, whether it’s been on a blog, Facebook post, or a string of tweets (ah, the Internet!). So I’m just writing this in the hope it might make someone else feel like they’re not alone and that there’s others that feel the same way too.
For now that’s all from me… Bit of a different post today, but I felt it was something I wanted to write to help myself heal. It’s very scary putting personal thoughts online, but it’s given me some solace.
Tell your loved ones that you love them, every single day if you can. They need to know that they are important, special, and loved, all of the time.
I encourage anyone reading who has any contributions to make, to do so. Please. I would love to hear your thoughts – feel free to comment below.