Vegetarian 101 | #WorldVegetarianDay

According to the internet, today, Thursday 1st October is World Vegetarian Day – the beginning of World Vegetarian month, culminating in World Vegan Day on the 1st Nov *phew*! So in celebration of this, I’ve decided to write a little tongue in cheek FAQ post, a sort of frivolous Vegetarian 101 if you will… What a time to be alive!

Today's lunch!

FAQs and the things we’re tired of hearing

No matter how many times you say “but, bacon” to us, we still won’t eat it.

“But, Bacon.”

Nope. Not Bacon. I’m a gold star Vegetarian – I’ve never eaten meat in my life and that’s okay. I wasn’t malnourished as a child and if anything I’m squishy around the edges now. However I’ve made it 25 years without bacon so I am 4000% sure I don’t need it. But thanks for your concern.

 

“Don’t you miss meat though?”

If you’ve never had something, how do you know you miss it? Would you honestly ask a twin if it’s weird being a twin? No, because that’s ridiculous, they’ve always been a twin, so to them it’s not weird. So you need to stop being weird. If the person you’re asking is a converted veggie and they used to eat meat – they might miss it, sure – but they made the choice to be a herbivore for a reason that’s absolutely nothing to do with you.

 

“Do you eat fish?”

No hun. Allow me to introduce google.

pescatarian vegetarian vegan

“If you cared about animals you’d stop eating their food!

Um. Stop that.

 

“What if almonds don’t want to be milked?”

What if I don’t want to be asked such silly questions?

This is one mainly directed at vegans/dairy free vegetarians, but it’s just so funny I had to include it. Thanks to my girl Sophie Lou for this corker! 

 

“If you’re a vegetarian/vegan, then why are you fat?”

  1. Carbs exist. Sugar is a thing. Cheese tastes good.
  2. I might have fat. But I am not fat. I am Luisa. Nice to meet you.

Crude “meat” jokes aren’t funny

Sorry to break it you, that joke wasn’t funny the first time I heard it 6 years ago, but I don’t hate you for trying. Just learn from your mistakes, don’t shove any kind of meat in my face, and we can be friends. The end.

Also [related, but lowering the tone a little bit more] nooo I do not want to see your “meat” to see if you can “change my mind”. Ew.

 

“If you were alone on a deserted island with a pig, would you eat the pig or starve to deat-…?”
 
Yo person asking me ludicros questions, I’ma let you finish, but Andrew Kirschener had one of the best answers to this of all time:
“Hmm. If you were not alone, living on a planet with 7 billion people, had access to unlimited fresh fruits, vegetables, nuts, beans and other healthy foods, and knew animals suffer and die horrible deaths so you could eat them when you don’t need to survive, would you continue to eat them? The difference between our questions is that your scenario will never happen and mine is the choice you face right now. Which do you believe is worth answering?” *drops mic*

“So, what DO you eat?”

Everything you eat, except the dead animals. An easy way to decipher (because I understand it must be confusing) whether something is suitable for a vegetarian to eat: did this come from something that once had a face? If the answer is yes, then I shan’t be eating it (the only exceptions to this rule I can think of off the top of my head right now (that don’t have faces but we still don’t eat) are jellyfish and some insects, please let me know in the comments if there are others I’ve missed!)

 

“I tried that vegetarian/vegan thing once. I felt sick/it was too hard/expensive/my mum wouldn’t cook for me…”

Cool story bro!

 

OMNIVORES, a few things you must accept:

Image credit: http://www.gemmacorrell.com/

  • most of us like really hummus and will bring it to BBQs (stereotyping big time here, but I really <3 hummus)
  • our meals will be served before yours on an airplane and you can’t complain about it, that’s just the way it is sunshine.
  • we will double check if something is vegetarian/vegan on the packet/at a restaurant.
  • we will ask the person making a sub in front of us at Subway to change their gloves because we don’t want your meat juices touching our delicious veggies.
  • meat eaters can also be anaemic/suffer from that rare illness your vegan friend had that one time.
  • if you preach to us about how preachy vegetarians/vegans are, then you my darling, are a hypocrite.

 

That’s all for now, and thanks for reading. If you have anything to add, questions to ask or suggestions to make, please do in the comments – any and all advice greatly appreciated! ^_^

A little note to say thanks to the wonderful Vegan & Vegetarian Sharkies (these are lovely humans I know through Black Milk Clothing, but more on that another time) for all their suggestions and anecdotes which inspired me to write this.

Lx

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6 Comments

  1. Sophie Lou
    2nd October 2015 / 8:59 am

    I loved reading this!!! Xo

  2. 2nd October 2015 / 1:02 pm

    I’m going to be a lifelong carnivore I’m afraid, but if anyone’s ever come close to inspiring the herbivore in me, it’s you! This is such a fantastic post and I’m really looking forward to reading your upcoming ones on the topic.

    L xx
    http://www.girlattherockshow.co.uk

    • 2nd October 2015 / 2:06 pm

      <3 thank you babe! I can't wait for all the good stuff there'll be at Vegfest to write about, mmm!

      Love love,
      Lx

  3. Simone
    3rd October 2015 / 8:40 pm

    Love the humour – love the content – love the food choices

  4. 2nd January 2016 / 9:56 am

    Fab post! I’ve been vegetarian for 8 years, so I hear this questions from time to time. I love the question about what I eat…. it’s saying more about their diets than mine. I usually reply that my diet is diversified and I ask them how many types of meat to they eat, as most of them eat 2 or 3 types max.

    • 3rd January 2016 / 6:12 pm

      Hey, thanks for your comment Anca! You’re right – most meat eaters do have their favourite meats and just seem to eat the same meals, often. I loved being vegetarian (and now vegan) because my meals are creative and never boring, and always colourful too! Lx

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